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"I know of no joy greater than the joy I get when I do an exposé of thoughts and deeds - clean, decent or filthy and foul of neighbors, friends, adversaries and mine, as well" ---- Edward Snowden, Whistleblower of the West has not said this; I said this.
My appointments and disappointments
"I wanted to be a foot baller, instead I became a foot ball" ---- I did not say this, Pablo Neruda, Nobel Laureate of Chile said this.
Even greater disappointment came to me very early in life. Dharmendra well established also eligibly divorced overtook me. "Basanti, why did you do this to me?" cried my heart for several days. Gloomy, unshaven (well, I had not started shaving those days!), I would walk like a humanoid with an android mobile. Being a very talkative kid, I told my plight to everybody in my class. Many friends sympathized, told they felt the same; I had so many shoulders to lean on and cry my heart out. Some said not to be disheartened, there were still Sridevi et aliae. My depression, anxiety disorder, behavioral and emotional disorder, dissociation and withdrawal disorder, eating and sleeping disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (of writing Basanti on all my text books), paranoia and trauma all were gone without a pill.
I also suffered from fear of ghosts when shadows dance to the rhythm of flame of a kerosene lamp, hyperactivity (of reading all text books before school opens), repulsive behavior of hating head bath and many more. I was cured without a pill.
I became neither a big officer nor the truck driver due to such naive and easy go attitude. Nevertheless, I did not end up a mental wreck. There was one or the other to hug and to confide, somebody to lend shoulders to cry. Mind you, these were normal, nobody would make a serious issue, in those days.
Times have changed; due to this everyday Times of India is different! People are eager to visit a psychologist than talking to friends. And these psychologists - they do not know to write their name boards properly, they put P first - they do drink more water! Of course, they are not there to cheat you. But then, if you have a cold, will you try your grandmother's prescription of ginger decoction first or go to Most Advanced Institute of Virology, Wuhan, China?
Now, the absolute truth:
I was just joking!
Dream girl was not my favourite actor. I am a kind of person who likes Smita Patel, Sanjeev Kumar, Nana Patekar and Kalpana than beautiful faces. I was into philosophy, yoga, astrology, vedas, mantras etc., since my childhood. Social status, money and achievements did not attract me. You would find me in a library or with a radio and not in cinema hall! Like an old owl, I stand witness for the rise, rise and fall of many cults, cult gurus, schools and religious practices!
Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening --- Oliver Wendell Holmes, The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table.
Antonym of appointment is disappointment, I suppose. I was greatly disappointed in my early life and so in later life could not hold to any great appointment (job or profession or status, whatever you please). I was very disappointed, naughty and playful kid.
When I was quite young I was not a quite and peace loving boy. I used to race around on somebody's borrowed bicycle. The speed and load are the essences of life. I dreamt of becoming a driver of very big truck - the one you see on the highways. It was my dream of driving them very fast, steady with heavy load. I would be so important - King of the Road. But it turned out that I spent considerable years sitting in front of a stoic desk with pens and paper. This was a disappointment.